I am grateful for all the love and condolences coming my way on Ammas passing and i thank you all for it.
I read every message, and respond when able.
Having experienced the loss of 3 of my closest family members, and my 2 beloved pets, in the last 5 years i really need to say this.
Because we are all human. Death is a finality that scares all of us and most dont know how to behave around it
When someone is bereaved, has lost a close close family member, please please do not call them immediately or incessantly. Give them time to process the passing of a loved one, make the medical and legal arrangements required and do what needs to be done.
Do not call or message them non stop. Send them a message instead in thier hour of grief and offer ur help. Best of all if u can show up and be of use do so.
Death is not an occasion to prove or share with the world ur closeness to the bereaved
For gods sake refrain from sharing stories of your own sorrow. This is not about you!!! its about the bereaved.
Understand and empathise with their loss on the day, ur stories can be a social conversation /party starter on another day.
Grief is real – only the real will understand.
If the bereaved do not respond to ur calls/ messages be gracious. Not righteous. If they dont respond, be empathetic. This is not about you… its about them.
Do not ever ever advise them to move on This is the most insensitive of it all. I’ve had a few aggressive u need to move on advisors in the last 5 years since i lost my sister to cancer and frankly i have blocked all of all them from my contact list and my life
Please Do not thrust Bible Geeta or Quran into their hands asking them to leave your healing to God. Every individual needs to process grief in their own way- religion is an answer for some. My relief has been psycho therapy
Do not talk about urself. PUHLEASE. Ur psychic intuition, ur love for the deceased, ur philosophy on death etc etc and whatever It can wait.
Show some sensitivity . Show some empathy
Ur grief for the departed, however close a friend u are to the bereaved, cannot compare to the loss of a family member.
Deathiquette – its not about u the condolence giver. Its about the bereaved who have lost a big chunk of their heart
The bereaved whos earth has been washed away from under their feet. Those who’s lives will never be the same again.
Offer help if you can – silently and discreetly.
And say some kind words about the departed if you knew them well enough. Or be quiet and let the bereaved mourn in peace
But for gods sake at my most intense time of grief do not be so self absorbed and insensitive enough to only talk about ur past losses … its painful. And a waste of my time in the present moment, that i need to honour and grieve my loved one
Death is not a social outing… its a heart wrenching , soul devastating irreparable loss.