3 Stories

Posted by suchitra Category: My Thoughts

So a lot of people asking me how come I thought the film 3 storeys is so atrocious while it apparently got such good reviews

Now I’m wondering if my head is off and my taste skewed ( ho sakta hai) or the reviews are bribed for ( kuch bhi ho sakta hai)

See, I went to see the movie primarily because it’s produced by Excel Entertainment. I am such a fan of Farhan Akhtar’s brain that i am even willing to forgive his voice. The production house has given us some good movies in the past so I assume this must be good too (I’m subliminally also influenced by the paid for reviews but we can talk about that another time)

So i start to watch the film with much excitement… but by the first five or ten minutes of the movie i am in shock. The shudder shudder shake shake are you frikking kidding me kinda shock
Let me explain why

There is a set of a chawl standing tall. So unique is this chawl that it has NO neighbourhod at all ! No huts no buildings , no roads or any surrounding ambience. Not even stray dogs and crows or windows with views. It stands in isolation in the sand of Film City or wherever it was tastelessly erected

Another unique feature of this set is that it looks like it’s made of cardboard. And a wee bit of plaster of Paris. I could actually feel the flimsy walls flapping in the breeze in some of the shots.

The palette of the chawl is a strange blue yellow and grey too. There are no mud or urine stains, spit marks, or chapped walls. No wear and tear visible on any surface except the art directors brain. The random kirana ka dukaan at the entrance to the chawl or the water well look like sets in a 6th grade school play.

The cinematography is as flat as a pancake. Never has a film before been so unimaginatively and lazily shot. The camera stands at the same height and arbitrarily moves from left to right making worse the viewers plight. The chawl seems bathed in yellow and blue light- night after night. WTF and can you please tell me why?

And the acting- baapre baap. From the first scene it’s like hearing an offkey orchestra. The baraathi shaadi type in the white and red uniforms that meander through small town streets of India with the poor clueless groom on horseback following behind. But never mind. Poor acting is never the actors fault, and in this case maybe not even the directors

Because Its like the director was tone deaf or something. So he gave the actors different instruments set to diffetent scales and asked them to play whatever the hell they liked while he went drank some beer . The director had also forgotten to tune the instruments in the first place so even experienced actors like Sharman Joshi and Renuka Shahane who understood pitch and scale were rendered ineffective by their sloppy off key tools. Resulting in a tepid tremor of turdiness

But the icing on the case of this awful offering was definitively the script. Haven’t seen worse in a laaawwwng time.

Lovers who discover they are brother and sister,( yuck) An elderly woman who commits a murder by feeding the victim poison in a coffee cup (from Dubai that too!!) and digs a grave in her own apartment to bury the corpse. And no one ever questions anything or looks for the victim or finds out about the murder either. In a chawl where a police inspecter resides and everybody by this idiocy abides!!!

And just when you’re about to pull your hair and scream about how awful it all is, it gets worse. It actually does

You see all these stories are not real stories at all but stories made up by one of the charactors in the movie! WTF. Main hi milee kya ullu banaake ko? That too after already subjecting me to an hour and a half of this nonsense.?

Bheja fried! It’s like the writer and director decided they dare not take responsibility for this bunkum plot and so try to fire the gun from the only star in the movie Richa Chadda’s shoulder ( the only convincing performance in the entire film too)

The only thing that did not jar in this film are the costumes.

As for the director- (I didn’t even bother to read his name) he needs to attend film school or retire. Latter is better

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